ADHD and Love
“We are never on the same page”, “You don’t respect me”, “You don’t care about anyone but yourself”, “You are never on time”, “You never listen to me”, “How could you quit your job, again? We needed the insurance benefits”, “What do you mean you are going into business for yourself?” — all of this coupled with the frustration, pressure, isolation and guilt of dealing with a difficult or special needs child.
Can your Marriage Survive ADHD?
ScienceDaily (Oct. 22, 2008) — Parents of a child with ADHD are nearly twice as likely to divorce by the time the child is 8 years old than parents of children without ADHD.
As with height, hair, and eye color, ADHD can be passed on from parent to child. In fact, it’s reported that 76% of ADHD is due to genetics. That gives ADHD the highest rate of inheritability of all behavioral conditions.
In a 2009 WebMed article entitled “All in the Family: ADHD and Genetics,” it was reported that:
• Up to 44% of fathers of children with ADHD also have ADHD.
• Up to 38% of mothers of children with ADHD have the condition, as well.
• 32% of brothers or sisters of a child with ADHD also have ADHD.
Bottom line is, if your child has been diagnosed with ADHD, there’s a higher probability that you or your spouse have ADHD, as well. Further, either you or your spouse’s ADHD, your child’s ADHD, or a combination thereof can result in serious marital problems.
Specifically, we will partner with you to begin to improve your relationship by helping you:
1. Obtain a professional diagnosis.
2. Begin to educate yourselves about ADHD and ADHDers.
3. Begin to figure out what challenges are ADHD related, and what challenges aren’t ADHD related.
4. Work closely with your doctor, psychologist and/or ADHD coach to create an effective treatment plan.
5. Begin to develop the skills needed to determine what behaviors prevent you from being a fulfilled couple, and implementing appropriate interventions that help you to start resolving your problems with a “Win/Win” vs “Win/Lose” fashion.
6. Begin the process of developing the skills hearing (and be heard by) your spouse, forgiving (and be forgiven by) your spouse, and develop new ways to identify and meet each other’s needs.
7. Begin to look at your household chores and determine if they are divided according to each person’s strengths. Amazingly enough, couples will divide tasks by such things as gender instead of strengths. For example, the spouse with best money manager should determine the family’s budget and balance the check book and not the ADHDer — gender aside.
8. Begin to develop the skills to discuss sexual compatibility issues in your sex life, so that you can work towards developing a more fulfilling relationship.
9. Begin to develop the skills to address the three common ADHD communication traps: a) Not Listening, b) Interrupting, and c) Breaking your promises.
Whether you need assistance with 1 or all 9 of these ways to improve your marriage, call at (301) 588-6000 for a consult.